In my life, I’ve had a lot of friends. People are just so nice and its all magical and then suddenly you see them for who they really are. I’ve been really really close with a lot of different people from High School… not really college that was whole other issue, past employers, MeetUp groups and even Twitter. We naturally gravitate towards people we like or feel we have a common interest with, but sometimes those people are assholes.
I spent 5 years of my life “best friends” with a group of self centered assholes. We were living some zero plan life, going out drinking, getting into fights every weekend, you know guy shit. I didn’t really see any future here but hey, these were my friends. Haha sometimes the truth can scream you dead in the face, shout so loud your ears hurt and you just can’t see or hear it. These people were not friends, they were more scared boys who didn’t want to grow up, like Peter Pan with mommy issues and a drinking problem. Maybe you know some people like this.
One day, after a night of living the dream, I woke up to find my car had been towed.The car I used to usher around these jack holes for years. When I finally located the vehicle with the always pleasant help of the San Diego Police Department, I learned the for the bargain price of $275 I could get my car back as luck would have it, I had the opportunity to speak with 2 of my “friends” immediately after discovering the fate of my car. They had a lot of excuses and no help for me.
I finally heard the truth. They were not friends, not the kind of friends I wanted anyway.
In all my lessons, one thing I have mastered is when I make up my mind, really make up my mind about something, I will never change it. I decided those guys were out and that’s it I never spoke to any of them again, its been over 10 years, never got a phone call, not even a request to connect on friendster either.
My problem is I keep finding assholes to be friends with. Its so hard as adults to meet and make friends. We are all hustling and moving around the world at an ever increasing pace doing new things, going to new places. Its hard to find a routine gives you enough contact with the same group of people to help you get comfortable enough to get out of your shell while simultaneously building your confidence to be vulnerable enough in front of these strangers so they can actually get to know you.
This leads me to the Community. There’s a community that I’m in… not really sure what the actual official requirements are, but if you’ve truly embraced the suck, if you’ve done 100 burpees for time, if you spent any time at the bottom of a squat, if you’ve hit yourself in the face with a bar on a push jerk, if you’ve wiped chalk and sweat off your face, chances are you are part of this community as well.
This weekend I got a chance to show some support for my friends Ben and Shannon Lanz during a friendly competition over at Apache Athlete’s Sweet pad. I didn’t go there expecting anything, I just went because I’m selfish, both Ben and Shannon have smiles that will destroy any problems you have in your life, their attitude and level of intensity will change your life just being with them. These are the types of people I’ve spent my life learning about, I’ve spent my life looking for.
I’m happy to have found them, because they do such a swell job of highlighting the difference between people you know, and people you call friends.
I have a lot of “real” friends now and I’m always looking to meet new people and continue to grow but I am finally old enough to understand all those things my parents warned me about.
Don’t be afraid to walk away from others to find peace.